Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
