Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize