i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
