Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
