u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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