i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
