Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
