so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
