Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
