Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
