Umm I'm too high to move.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
