i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
