I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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