What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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