Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
