If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.