It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm