Plan B is the new Plan A
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"