I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said her name was "party"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.