Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.