well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
