He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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