dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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