Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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