i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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