Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
