he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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