i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, beer. Big fan.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize