I just pynch a tree in the face
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
