I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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