thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
