Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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