We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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