highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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