the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
