and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
