I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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