listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
