I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
