with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
