dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
