the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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