you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
