I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
