ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
