he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
where are my eyebrows?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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