I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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