We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
