i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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