When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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