i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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