every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
