All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
