3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
