Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
