I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
