Got a toothbrush?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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