yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
