How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
