i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
