my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
