sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
