3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize