two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
