google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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