Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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