Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
