Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Randomize
