That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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