So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The air was thick with penises
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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