I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
