I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
