At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
