hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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